A real Floridian never worries about the weather, unless some newscaster has uttered the “H-word.” If it is raining, the Floridian merely waits 20 or 30 minutes for the weather to change. In those few minutes, the rain will stop and the Floridian can continue his or her day without an umbrella – of which theirs is safely stowed away at home behind the kitchen door or somewhere else it is sure not to get wet. After all, a wet umbrella is such an inconvenience.
Another inconvenient item is a fishing rod and reel. Most Floridians love to eat fresh fish and living right next to the Atlantic Ocean or on the Gulf of Mexico mandates a rod and reel in every garage. Right?
Consequently, almost every Floridian will harbor this unnecessary belief fishing tackle is a prerequisite for living in the Sunshine State. They get it wrong most of the time; it is not required to own fishing gear to live in the state, it is only required if you want to eat the best, most delicious, and freshest seafood possible.
Why do real Floridians have fishing gear they never use? Well, they are too busy working too many hours or too many jobs to go fishing. Here is another really important point about being a Florida resident: many companies and businesses based in Florida believe their employees live in paradise, therefore, those employees should work for less than a living wage. After all, they don’t have to pay for all the heating and other assets required of living Up North. Hate to say it, but it is true; Florida has lagged behind almost every state in the Union in employee compensation since they started collecting statistics way back in “aught-three.”
Now, if you truly are considering making application as a Floridian, this next bit of information is probably the most important. You need to decide which way your loyalties are going to lean.
You see, here in Florida, football is really serious business. If you plan on immigrating into the Sunshine State from somewhere Up North, you will have to choose. For the most part, Floridians remain loyal to one of the two schools – the University of Florida in Gainesville, or Tallahassee’s Florida State, the Gators and the Seminoles respectively.
Oh, there are some other schools, like the University of Miami down south, and a couple of new upstarts: the University of South Florida Bulls in Tampa, and Orlando’s Knights of the University of Central Florida. In reality, however, there really are only two football teams in Florida – the Gators and the Seminoles.
Pick one, stand behind your team 100 percent, and don’t be wishy-washy.
Oh, and find some better place to stow that stupid umbrella and fishing rod… You’re not going to need them.